I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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