So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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