Pants 0. Shit 1.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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