if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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