That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm always down for nudity.
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