does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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