I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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