At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
