The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
