I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
