Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
