i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
