A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
