They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
