guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
this just has baby written all over it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
