Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
