honey bunches of taint.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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