i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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