dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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