If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The feeling are messing with the penis
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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