I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
