Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
