she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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