Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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