Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
