question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
