hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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