is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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