it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My cat gives me a boner
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
