Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dignity is for republicans.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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