there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
