The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
