apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
