It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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