My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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