ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
