I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
