My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
