I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
