I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
