Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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