We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
