I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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