I can tuck mytits in my pants
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
