btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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