so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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