The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
