This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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