At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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