Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
