there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
