She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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