just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
