So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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