the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So much rum. So many feels.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
