he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
