I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
